Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
