my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
