Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Need sex. Gaining weight.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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