Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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