you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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