Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
