Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
my being single is dangerous.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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