That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize