It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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