so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
