okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I lost the right to judge tonight
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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