I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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