Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
