she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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