i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
