she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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