at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
