I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
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