Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
