You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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