my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
