he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
