I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
