Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
