Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
