im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
