I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
