I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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