my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
