cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
