in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
sex in a hospital.. check
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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