yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Randomize
