Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize