Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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