i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
