Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
