sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
