saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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