Where is the hickey?
Jerry, you need to find god
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
