y did u give ur computer a hand job?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
