So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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