Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
