There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
