Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
