i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
