If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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