You're so nebulous sometimes
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize