She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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