He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
