I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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