I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
