I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
