so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
