Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
