"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
