so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
