just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
