everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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