You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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