So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
