it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
