I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I can text with my tongue
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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