I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
