the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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