even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
