I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
