yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
